I'm a single black mother that is raising a wonderful lil boy!!!
Hello again blog fam.
I really have alot going on, but don't no where to begin.
Early March my grandmother was in the hospital. She had a heart attack again!!! This is scaring the shit outta me to where it's not even funny. But then on Tuesday or Wednesday, one of her son's and her youngest daughter took her to the hospital and in the process of doing this, she slipped and fell!!! I was pissed. Because for one, they were both side by side of her and she still managed to fall. If I walk anywhere with my grandmother, she walks arm in arm with me. I still don't understand how 2 people can be at your side and you let her fall. So that nite that she fell, she was in soooo much pain. She got a house full of niggas (including 2 of her kids at the time) in her house and noone bothered to check on her to see if she was ok or if she needed anything. She told my mom that she couldn't move cuz it hurt so bad. And of course she had to use the bathroom. Blog fam she couldn't do anything but lay in her own bed and piss on herself!!!! TRIFLING BASTARDS!!!!
When I heard this, I was truly done, yall hear me, DONE!!!! So of course she got to the Dr. again and found out she broke her hip and needed surgery. She had the surgery on Thursday and the Dr.s say she is doing ok right now. But then she's gotta go to a rehabilitation center to recover and regain her strength back. I think she can use the break from my family and she can get the attention she needs. Now one of my uncles are talking about putting her in a nursing home for good. Apparently he is telling everyone except for my mother. I think he knows that if he does, it's gonna be some shit cause my mom ain't having that. But from what I was hearing, one her sons kinda put him in his place and said it's not for him to decide, it's my grandmother's decision.
But blog fam this is what's scaring me. My grandmother is like the glue that is keeping some of the family together and once she's gone, it's over. And I know that somewhere along the line someone is gonna have words to share. Which is one of the reasons I've been keeping my distance. I will be going to see my grandmother and all, but I don't wanna do it when there are other family members there because I know me. Someone says something outta pocket, your girl gonna have to give someone a tongue lashing. I'm tired of my family not giving a damn about my grandmother until she gets sick, then everybody wanna act like they care. Everyone in her house could give 2 fucks about her, especially the cousin who doesn't pay rent. Now all of a sudden he wants to break down and cry when my uncle mentioned she should be in a nursing home. Give me a fucking break!!!! Dude don't make me puke.
On another note....
I think I've found another babysitter....YAYYYYY!!! I was at my son's school last nite for family nite and was talking to one of the mother's up there. Her mother was up there and mentioned that she babysits the grand kids. I was like can you sit for one more kid? So I got her number and basically told her that I would need her for his off days and breaks. She got a feel for him that nite though and me and the mother clicked well too. Man the Lord is good!!!!
Things are kinda getting better with my son's father. He calls a lil more and when my son was sick, he watched him for me. If it wasn't for him, I would of had to take the whole week off. But I only had to take off 2, which was cool with me.
I know that I have to control this temper of mine, but I tell you some people just take you there. I know in previous posts, that I had to work on my mouth, but now it's my mouth and my temper. I blow up very easy and I say the first thing that comes out. And most of my anger is driven towards my son's father and some of it is from past shit as well. But I am to the point where some shit I can just walk away from (which I've done recently) and I'm learning from that. But sometimes I have to release it and let it go cuz if I don't, it eats at me and then I have alot of stomach problems. I know it's just an excuse that I'm giving, but it's so true though. So now I have to figure out how to release my anger without hurting noone, cuz when I'm mad I know I can say hurtful shit. One of my ways is thru writing in here, but then I know that people I know read my diary. So blog fam, right now, I'm just taking it one day at a time.
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