I'm a single black mother that is raising a wonderful lil boy!!!
You know I just don't understand life so far. I'm almost 30 years old and I have soooo much weight on my shoulders. As I sit here crying, I wonder why my life is so complicated. Sometimes I think it's me, but sometimes I just think that I don't have any luck.
I really don't want much out of life. All I really want is someone to be with and raise my son the best way we can. Once in awhile I'd like to have good times with friends and family. Is that a lil too much to ask for? I understand that life is not perfect, but cut me some slack here. When is the rain gonna end and stop pouring on me?
I have no such luck when it comes to finding a man in my life. The guys today just don't know what they want in life. And if your not putting out and give in to all their needs, they don't really want to be bothered.
And friends. I really don't have too many people I consider to be my friend. I have plenty of aquaintances and plenty of email buddies. I try to have time for girlfriends, but they are not a close distance to me. So that's a very good factor of why we can't spend time together. I'm sure the excuse is that her and I just hate making the drive. And I'm single and she's married so she does her married thing, with her married friends. I am single and I try to do single things with the few single friends I have.
I think my life had it share of downs and I know sometime soon that I will have my share of ups, but when? I've gotten a chance to do some exciting things. I've gotten to explore my youth years which was pretty good. But after having a child, my life has changed drastically. I've been hurt, depressed, used, lost confidence, and lost hope. And there are plenty of times where I just want to take the easy way out and just end it but I don't want my son to have a suck ass life because his mother gave up. Everytime I look at him, he makes me remember why I have to stay on this earth. When I'm feeling down his smile just makes me forget about ending it. When he hugs me and kisses me, he makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world.
A lot of people say that I have to start putting myself out there. But most of those people are married and don't know what it's like to be single with a child and working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I don't have the time to do these things. I don't like going to clubs or bars, so what else is there?
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